The 3 Limiting Beliefs That Held Me Back For 30 Years (And What Changed)

22 Sept

I've been full-time freelance hair and makeup artist since 2012. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Turns out there wasn't. I just had three limiting beliefs running the show, and I didn't even know it.

I'm sharing them here because someone on a shoot recently pointed out how much I'd moved past them, and it made me realise how long they held me back. If you're a hair and makeup artist (or honestly, anyone building a freelance career), I reckon you'll recognise at least one of these.

1. Fear of rejection

I had a huge fear of people saying no to me. Or worse, ignoring me. If someone went quiet, I decided that meant they didn't think I was good enough. They didn't think I was good at hair and makeup.

Here's what changed: I realised people very rarely actually say no to you. Most of the time, they just don't get back to you. That's not rejection. That could be a hundred different things. They might be busy. They might not have seen it. It might just not be the right time.

Now when I don't hear back, I ask myself a different question: what haven't I shown them yet that would make me an easy yes?

2. Waiting my turn to be chosen

I thought I had to do the hard yards and wait to be discovered. I thought I needed to meet the right person who'd take me along for the ride. I was waiting for one big break.

That never happened for me. What actually moved my career forward was reaching out myself.

Here's the story. I wanted to break into film and television work. I reached out to a makeup artist named Sam on Facebook. I didn't hear back for ages. In my head, I decided she must think I was a terrible artist. In reality, the message had landed in her "other" folder and she hadn't even seen it.

When she finally saw it, she invited me onto a shoot with her. We became friends. She introduced me to her friend Margo. Margo introduced me to a woman named Narelle, who was working at Channel 9 at the time. Narelle later moved across to become head of department at Neighbours, and she got me on that job.

That job on Neighbours was a massive turning point in my career. It became a training ground for working on set, and it got me meeting other people in the industry. None of it happens if I wait to be discovered. It happened because I sent one message.

3. Not wanting to be annoying

I didn't want to reach out to people. I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't want to follow up, because I didn't want to be annoying.

I've talked to a lot of makeup artists who feel exactly the same way. One friend told me she wouldn't email past clients to remind them she was available for work, because she didn't want to be annoying.

Here's the thing. Following up once a fortnight, once a month, once every couple of months, that's not annoying. That's just business. Annoying is someone texting you daily and being unreasonable about it. As hair and makeup artists, we are businesses. We need to put our services in front of people so they have the chance to hire us.

Quotes that changed how I think about this

Three quotes from past podcast guests have stuck with me:

Makeup artist Ava Bell told me being a makeup artist is a stayer's race. You have to stay in the industry long enough for people to get to know you and trust you.

Harriet Hatfield from Harry Makes It Up said to get used to hearing the word no. A no isn't a no forever. It might just be a no for now.

Nicole Thompson, also known as Pinky, said if you don't ask, the answer is always no. That one rings true for me every time. If I don't ask, I've already got my no. So I may as well ask and risk getting one anyway.

(Links to all three episodes coming soon.)

The rejection challenge

At one point I set myself a challenge to get to 100 no's. I kept a table tracking every brand, PR company, and agency I reached out to, whether they got back to me, and whether it turned into work. I made it to about 33.

What I'd tell younger Vanessa

These three beliefs held me back for at least over 13 years. For a lot of that time, I was doing weddings on the weekends and had no idea how to make a bigger career work. It was genuinely a hard, dark time.

If you're in that spot right now, know this. It's not you. It's not your skills. You're just not connecting with the right people yet. And the way to find them isn't to wait. It's to reach out.

Come and say hi on Instagram @vanessabarney or @the.makeupinsider.

Vanessa Baney